The Calm No: When Saying No Feels Like Dignity

I had a moment this weekend where I said no to someone - calmly, without anger or guilt - and it felt like dignity.

Not the defensive kind where you're protecting yourself from being taken advantage of.

The grounded kind where you simply know what aligns and what doesn't.

I'm Nika Vorster, an equine chiropractor with over 30 years of experience working with horses at every level - from amateur riders to Olympic teams. My approach centres on one principle: horses heal best when they're supported by a team of experts working together for their long-term welfare, not quick fixes.

This weekend reminded me exactly why that matters.

Twelve Horses, Two Kinds of People

I assessed twelve horses this weekend, all free of charge.

Two reasons: one, so people could meet me in person and see what I'm about. Two, so I could build relationships and find out if any of these people were my kind of people.

It's easy to think that just because everyone has a horse, they're your client.

And in theory, that could be right.

But after doing this for over ten years now, I know my values, my morals, what I like and what I don't like - where I thrive, what makes me fulfilled, and where I create the most impact.

What drains my energy:

People wanting a quick fix. There's never a quick fix with anything in life, and horses are very good at reminding us of that. They're not machines, and there's no timeframe to healing.

People wanting to use me without a vet. This doesn't work. The horse needs their primary caregiver, and working alongside a team of experts in their own fields is where I see not only the quickest but the most lasting performance and welfare results.

What Team-Based Welfare Actually Looks Like

When I say "team," I mean a group of professionals who each bring their expertise and check their ego at the door.

The veterinarian provides medical diagnosis and treatment. The farrier addresses hoof balance and biomechanics. The saddle fitter ensures proper equipment fit. The dentist maintains oral health. Other bodyworkers like myself address musculoskeletal issues. The trainer and rider work with the horse daily and know them best.

Everyone listens. Everyone communicates. Everyone stays focused on what's best for the horse.

This approach works because horses don't exist in isolated body parts. A restriction in the jaw affects the poll. Tension in the poll affects the shoulders. Tightness in the shoulders shows up in the ribcage. Everything connects.

When the team works together, we address the whole picture instead of chasing symptoms in circles.

This weekend I met some incredible horsemen and horsewomen who said things like: "We have a vet. We're here for the long-term welfare of this horse. If it needs more time and can only run next year, that's fine."

These are my people.

I also met people who told me they won't work with the vet and that I must tell them what they can do with the horse because they don't have the budget.

I feel compassion for the horse in that situation because the horse doesn't have a choice.

The Moment That Mattered

I've learned over the years not to people-please and not to let go of my dignity by saying I'll do whatever I can when people don't share the same values as me, the same morals as me.

So I had that proud moment.

I said, in a calm grounded way: "I empathise with your horse. However, I won't be working with you going forward as our morals and values do not align."

Just clarity.

And what surprised me was how clean it felt.

Like I'd honoured both of us by being honest about the gap instead of pretending we could bridge it.

Ten years ago, I would have said yes anyway and tried to make it work, twisting myself into someone I'm not because I thought being helpful meant saying yes to everyone.

Now I know better.

When you know your values clearly enough, saying no doesn't feel like rejection.

It feels like integrity.

If you're looking for an equine chiropractor who values long-term welfare over quick fixes and believes in collaborative team care, I'd like to hear from you. Visit nikavorster.com to learn more about how I work or get in touch to discuss your horse's needs.

NIKA