The Wrong Question: What Riders Miss When They Ask "How Do I Fix This?"

It took twenty minutes to identify what six months of experts couldn't find.

I was driving to my last treatment before flying to Dubai, and honestly, part of me didn't want to go.

The owner had called, distressed about her mare showing signs of discomfort with no consistency in behavior. She'd sent videos. Multiple vets had been out. Multiple professionals had examined this horse. Everything kept showing the same state.

What could I possibly do that they hadn't already tried?

That morning I woke at 4:30am for my 20-minute mobility routine. The same one I do before every session, no matter the start time. Over the years of doing this, I've noticed how grounded I feel afterward, how my mind feels calm and my breath returns to my body.

That routine saved me that morning because I arrived with no expectation and no judgment.

This matters more than most people realize. Horses feel everything - my body, my breath, my state. No matter what I say, they pick up on what I do.

What Actually Happened in Those Twenty Minutes

I always start the same way: Watch the horse in its natural environment while listening to the owner - the real expert who knows their horse better than any professional. Then watch the horse move in all gaits.

This showjumper's mare was struggling with left bend. Halfway around, the horse would block completely and hang heavy on the right rein.

She'd tried everything. Multiple vets. New saddle. Stronger bit. Different trainers. Thousands spent with zero results.

After about 10 minutes of watching, the owner stopped. Her horse stopped.

She turned to look at me.

"I'm embarrassed to say this, but it must be me. This isn't the first time you've come out because my horse has been showing signs of stress and the day you arrive he isn't. The only variable we've changed is you."

I wanted to jump in and reassure her it wasn't her fault.

But something stopped me. I just listened.

This moment was for the owner. For the horse. Not for me.

The Question That Changes Everything

For months, this rider had been asking "How do I fix this left bend?"

I helped her ask a different question: "What is my horse trying to tell me?"

That shift changed everything. The relief on her face. The softness in her mare's eyes. Connection instead of confusion.

We created a plan together for both horse and rider, starting before she even walked to the stable.

How much sleep she'd had. The first thing she did when she opened her eyes. Food as medicine. What she drank. All of this affects your body as a rider, which affects your horse.

Then her intention as she approached. How her horse responded to her presence.

I followed the Horse Listener framework: Assessment without judgment or expectations. Asking questions - the right questions to give me the full context. Adjusting one thing at a time and keeping watch on the horse's behavior.

The horse led me to the answer. All I had to do was ask the right questions and keep assessing, remaining curious.

The horse wasn't broken. He was mirroring exactly what his rider was carrying.

Why Riders Get Stuck in the Wrong Question

What's interesting is that most riders are asking the wrong questions entirely, which leads to action bias - you know what I mean. We've all been there where we go into fix-it mode and try everything.

The new saddle, the training exercise, the new bit - trying to fix the behavior without understanding what's creating it.

Action bias lives in our minds. We go into "fix it now" mode without stopping to ask "what are we actually fixing?"

This is what most performance riders and horse advocates are left feeling: frustrated, overwhelmed, and confused.

A task driven by the wrong question leads to an output with the wrong understanding.

What Keeps the Cycle Going

I think it's a generational thing. I grew up where I was told with no explanation or reasoning that it just is that way - or "because I said so."

The current generation asks questions, which is fantastic because knowing why and having real understanding instead of just ticking boxes because you were told to provides real space for connection.

They're suspicious of "because I told you so."

And they should be.

When that vet or saddle fitter or trainer tells the rider "try this new saddle, this bit, this exercise" - the rider says yes and spends the money, even when nothing has worked before.

Why? Because if they have a qualification, they must be right.

But when the qualified expert's advice doesn't work - the new saddle doesn't help, the bit doesn't fix it, the exercise makes it worse - what does the rider typically do?

They try another expert.

This showjumper had been stuck in that exact cycle. Trying expert after expert. Losing faith in the solutions. Losing belief in herself.

The only reason she was willing to try something different - to look at her horse instead of looking for another external fix - was because she had exhausted all the other options.

She'd reached burnout.

What Those Months of Action Actually Cost

The showjumper spent months trying external fixes - money, time, emotional energy - and nothing worked.

Those months of "doing everything" actually made things worse. The mare became more disconnected. The rider lost more belief in herself with each failed attempt.

Then in 20 minutes of slowing down and listening to what the horse was already saying, the answer became clear.

What did those months of action cost compared to those 20 minutes of attention?

Wasted emotional energy and investment, causing further disconnect from her mare.

When I guided her through those 20 minutes and she finally saw what her horse had been saying all along, everything shifted. Their connection strengthened. Trust returned. Confidence and self-belief and conviction emerged.

Attention, Not Action

Here's what I've learned after years of working with horses and riders: Most riders exhaust every external option before they consider the internal answer.

New saddle, different bit, another vet, one more trainer, and the cycle repeats until burnout or breakthrough.

The qualified experts say "try this" and riders believe them because qualifications should mean answers. When it doesn't work, they find another expert. Same pattern, different person.

All that action creates more disconnect.

The mare feels her rider's frustration. The rider loses belief in herself. The problem compounds with every failed attempt.

Then they slow down. They stop fixing and start listening.

The answer appears in minutes.

Your horse has been communicating all along through behavior, through body language, through every response to your presence, and the answer has always been there waiting for attention instead of action.

The First Pillar: Assessment

The first pillar of the Horse Listener framework is assessment, which ensures there is more context so that riders don't get stuck in their own preconceived ideas and limiting beliefs.

What most riders do is go into fix-it mode with external validation - a really common one is changing the tack. Some riders even go for a completely new saddle, which can cost thousands.

Again, something that can influence behavior, but there are questions to be asked before you go the expensive route of a total new saddle.

The assessment framework allows riders to start understanding if it is the saddle in the first place, saving them thousands.

I was working with another rider whose horse was struggling with a similar issue. Within 20 minutes using the assessment framework, we had identified the root cause. I could see a sense of relief on the rider's face. I could see softness in the horse's eyes as it responded to its rider's relief.

This is why I created this framework - to save riders thousands but most importantly to speak up for horses. They are the most honest, direct beings.

Slowing Down to Go Faster

What's interesting is that we don't want to slow down, but when we do slow down, we actually go faster because you move from real understanding to a clear plan with a clear outcome instead of going to fix-it mode and wasting money, time, and your emotional energy.

The rider in Dubai is now focused on her horse's behavior. She now understands the disciplined communication approach to understanding her horse.

Her attention shifted from external fixes to internal awareness - both of herself and her horse.

That's when everything changed.

Your Turn

Tomorrow morning, when you walk to the stable, try asking a different question.

Not "What do I need to fix today?"

But "How are you today?"

No judgment. No expectation. Just curiosity about another being who feels different things on different days.

Your horse has been trying to tell you something. They've been showing you through their behavior, their body language, their response to your presence.

The answer has always been there, waiting for you to ask the right question.

Learn the Method: The Supple Switch Workshop

If you want to understand exactly what your horse is telling you - and what to do about it - join me for The Supple Switch workshop on November 30th at 2PM GMT.

In this 2-hour live session, you'll learn:

Hour 1: The Anatomy of Stiffness

• Why your horse is stiff using form and function principles

• The three specific areas that create restriction (that most trainers overlook)

• The exact exercises that release tension and create suppleness in 30 minutes

Hour 2: Your Body and Common Mistakes

• A simple assessment to reveal where you're holding tension

• How your stiffness transfers to your horse the moment you mount

• The most common mistakes riders make and how to avoid them

This workshop is limited to 12 riders because I want to give you focused attention. You can ask questions specific to your horse and get real-time feedback during the session.

Your investment is £79 for the complete 2-hour workshop.

For context, riders typically spend thousands trying to solve suppleness issues - new saddles (£2,000-£5,000), vet visits, different trainers (£50-£150 per session) with inconsistent results.

This workshop gives you a proven method for £79. You learn it once, apply it with your horse, and see results in your first session.

Previous workshops filled within days of opening. Once these 12 spots are gone, you'll need to wait for the next session - and I haven't scheduled another one yet.

If your horse is stiff right now, if every ride feels like a battle through resistant turns and tense transitions, secure your spot today.

Register for The Supple Switch - November 30th, 2PM GMT

Learn the method. Apply it with your horse. Watch the transformation happen in 30 minutes.

NIKA

Nika Vorster works with equestrian women who know their horse is mirroring them and are ready to do something about it. Learn more at nikavorster.com