The 5-Minute Win: Why Rewarding the “Try” Changes Everything

I used to ride a beautiful 7-year-old PRE gelding. He was full of character, moved elegantly, and was bred specifically for high-level dressage. On paper, he was the perfect prospect.

But there was a problem: He genuinely didn’t want to do it.

His owner had bought him to compete, and since he was eight, the industry "standard" dictated he should be working toward Advanced Medium. Because I was his trainer, I felt that weight. I was under pressure to produce results, to hit milestones, and to make him "perform."

But every time I asked for more, his behavior got worse.

He wasn’t being "naughty" or stubborn. He was screaming at me through his body. The moment I got on, he would curl up underneath me. It felt like I was carrying his entire weight around the arena. Extension movements became impossible. When we tried flying changes, he made his frustration unmistakably clear.

I voiced my concerns, but the feedback I got was standard for the industry: “He’s a horse. He has a job to do.”

The Shift from "Job" to "Relationship"

Eventually, the gelding was sold to a lady who wanted nothing from him but his love. When she asked for my advice, I told her the truth I’d been feeling all along:

"If he were mine, I would stop worrying about the 'job' and find out what he actually wants to do."

That horse taught me that a relationship is a two-part responsibility. It isn’t about forcing a result to meet an arbitrary deadline; it’s about becoming curious enough to listen to the animal in front of you.

When we get critical or fixated on a specific movement, horses feel that mental pressure. They read our internal state. If we are frustrated that they aren't hitting a "Level 4" movement, they feel that tension before we even pick up the reins.

Rewarding the Slightest Try

To fix the relationship, I realized we had to change the metric of success. Instead of "did we complete the pattern?" the question became "did he try?"

I started practicing—and teaching—a different approach:

Reward every ounce of try: If the horse gives you a moment of genuine effort, even if it’s only 5 or 10 minutes into the session, acknowledge it and stop.

Prioritize process over outcome: Focus on relaxation. Sometimes, waiting for that relaxation feels like watching paint dry, but it is the only foundation that lasts.

Leave them "fresh": Put them away while they are still curious and happy, rather than waiting until they are physically or mentally exhausted.

Lower the volume: Pressure isn't just a leg aid; it’s your mental expectation. When you drop the "job description," the horse often finds the room to finally breathe.

When you stop looking for the Advanced Medium movement and start looking for the "try," you stop being a taskmaster and start becoming a partner. You build a horse that actually wants to show up for you because they know their effort will be seen and respected.

Create Moments of Pause

If you feel like you’re "carrying" your horse through your rides, or if the pressure to perform is draining the joy out of your time at the yard, it’s time to find the pause.

I’ve put together a free guide on how to create specific moments of pause to build a deeper foundation and a more intuitive connection with your horse. It’s designed to help you move from "doing the job" to "having a conversation."

To get your copy, simply comment the word PAUSE below and I’ll send it over to you.